Nathan Robinson discusses how he overcame a single man's ideology of marriage...it took some time but he finally got there!
A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31: 10, 30-31 NIV
“When two people understand the purpose of marriage they will truly blossom. I’ve struggled with it for many years. Before marrying my wife, I was single for fifteen years. Set in my ways, I was not about to change for no one.”
My views on a Christian marriage have changed drastically over the years for the better. Growing up in a home where the illusion of love was both honest and convenient at the same time. Although my parents were #Christians and loved God, their views had a strong impact that shaped how my siblings and I think. We’re all products of our environment. They shape us whether it is for good or evil. I witnessed adulterous relationships in my community as well as heard rumours of extra-marital relationships within my family. To see marriage disrespected as a little boy, a young man, and as an adult, really helped me to question the whole sanctity of marriage and I became very inquisitive to learn the importance of marriage despite what I saw in my environment.
Many have married for the wrong reasons such as getting out from under the roof of our parents, money, business deals, lust, trophies, convenience, citizenship, etc. Marriage should be for everlasting love and commitment. When two people understand the purpose of marriage they will truly blossom. I’ve struggled with it for many years. Before #marrying my wife, I was single for fifteen years. Set in my ways, I was not about to change for no one. Yes, I loved my wife and was truly committed, but I still was going to have my way and not deviate from who I was. Boy, did I get a rude awakening from the Lord! You see before I do’s, it was all about I, me, and my. If I wanted to continue to hang out with my friends and associates, spend money, socialize after work and come home when I was ready, then I saw nothing wrong with it, and no one was going to interfere. I was #makingmoney, enough to support my wife and myself for years. But what I didn’t realize is that my wife didn’t want things, she wanted and needed me.
At the time I didn’t want to hear that, and because of my selfishness, God took everything away that I deemed more important to me than God and my family. Forcing me to make decisions and prioritize what was important. Inevitably through that journey, I realized the true meaning of love. Love for God and love for family. It brought me to the realization that God sent His only begotten son for us, not for our possessions, money, jewellery, houses, or boats, but for us, the person, and the people.
When I received the knowledge of how much God loved me I could only share that love with my wife and children.
I now know that no matter how much money I have or don’t have it’s not going to affect my love and display of love for my wife. I’m totally grateful. I’ve learned to be faithful, committed, humble, more loving, and open. A marriage is like a flower. If you water and nurture it, it’ll grow and live, but if not, it will die!
What character/style/look personality I looked for in my wife? I sought a woman who was virtuous… faithful to the point that she loved God more than me. Yes, more than me: that was my criteria to God. A woman, who loves and praises God, because I knew that if I could find such a woman who was beautiful inside and outside, one who was stern, yet loving, tough yet tender, strong yet gentle I knew this type of woman could only come from Heaven. I knew that together as a team we’d be powerful vessels for the Lord. I looked for and wanted a woman with substance, class, intelligence, and individuality. Not a yes woman, knowing that I couldn’t always be the strong one all the time, although I’d do my best. I knew that behind every good man, there’s a good woman and if she’s a Christian woman of God, she’s even greater!
How are disputes dealt with? My wife and I are very analytical people and sometimes too much for our own good. Occasionally we may beg to differ. Sometimes it can be a hindrance. I’ve found that earlier in our #marriagedisputes were quickly and lovingly dealt with by having love and respect for one another. As time went on and life crept in love began to decay into regret and respect eroded into selfishness, bitterness, and escapism. I had learned some time ago from my parents, my dad in particular, to shy away from conflict and that demonic spirit tried to take over, but I’ve since learned that what you don’t confront will conquer you!
Communication is the key and our #relationshipwithGod is critical! When those times got too much to bear and I didn’t want to give up but had no answers, I sought the Lord with my whole heart and He heard me. God reminded me of 2 Chronicles 7: 14. If my people which are called by name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin, and will heal their land. KJV
You may ask, what does this all mean? What does this have to do with how my wife and I deal with conflict? Simple, God is the source of our strength. Seeking the business of God and His way of doing things right with integrity, humility, and love, all other things in life will fall into place. Guaranteed! Not necessarily with immediate results, having patience is key.
How I handled issues like money before I got married.
Handling money issues was an easy task a first glance. I had learned somewhat the practicality of managing money since I was the head of the household in my first marriage. I paid the bills, budgeted, saved, and invested. I wasn’t a good steward of money early on until I met my wife. I was making a good living and spent more than I had saved. My wife took care of that and through God made me realize I was not alone but one with her. From that, I learned to tithe and give to God. We agreed to map out what we were bringing into the household every month, check our expenditures and budget from there. The problem was my inconsistency of staying the course and staying focused when money got short sometimes. But through it, all our agreement to have my wife do all the budgeting and being the CFO of the family made issues that arose that much easier to deal with. We both decided early on to compromise and seek God with many, if not all money issues.
What a Christian man is looking for in a Christian wife, my opinion.
At the top of every #Christianwoman’s checklist should be the number one question: Is he God’s child? Does he have integrity? Does he have credibility?
Does he respect himself? Does he respect his mother? Does he respect women? Does he disregard his fellow man? Does he open the doors for you? Is he patient? Is his expression of his love only by sexually content or context? Does he show empathy or is his compassion conditional? When he looks or talks to you is he looking through you or in you…talk to you or at you? What kind of family does he have? Are they alcoholics, drug abusers? Are they Christians? Do they love, share and care for one another?
If the answer to most of these questions is to the negative unless you are completely naïve or just plain insecure or needful these are red flags that are to be taken seriously and only the Lord can wash clean. Not you!
The bottom line is that commitment and marriage go hand and hand and God is my witness and help, I’m still a ‘Work in Progress.’
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